Walking my Weigh to Healthier Life--One Mile at a TIme

Week #????

2009-11-03T09:37:00.000-06:00

I have started a Youtube weightloss channel with my fifteen year old sister. I will be posting more blogs and also including our videos here. I have been reading blogs daily and I lost 3.6 pounds last week. I am now back to my pre-funeral weight, 240.8.

I hope everyone is doing well!

220 Calorie, 3 point meal in 7 minutes

2009-10-23T15:24:00.001-05:00

My very delicious & super healthy meal from last night. From freezer to plate in 7 minutes.

Tilapia filet (cooked from frozen state, no thawing necessary) 100 Calories
Green Giant "Just for One" Frozen Veggies:
Cauliflower w/ cheese- 40 Calories
Peas & Corn in a delish sauce-80 Calories

*This had the be the quickest, most delicious meal I have had in a very long time*

*I sprinkled Mrs. Dash- lemon pepper on the tilapia*

*Very cost efficient, the tilapia is $1.29 per 100 calorie filet, veggies are sold in a pack of 6 microwavable containers for $3.00 a pack.*

Tilapia has a relatively low mercury level compared to other fish & is rich in Omega fatty acids. I think this may be my dinner 3 days a week. I am going to try the other Green Giant "Just for One" veggies this weekend.

Have a wonderful weekend!

the drive home 10/22/09

2009-10-23T14:58:00.000-05:00

This is what I encountered on the way home after picking up the toddler from the sitter. We sat in a stranger's yard for 45 minutes waiting for the rain to stop & the street to drain so that we could pass. There were several thunder storms & flash flooding in the area. How does this relate to food? The first thing I thought about when we pulled over was "what will happen if we are stuck here for hours & can't eat supper." Dozens of people had water approaching the doorway of their homes and I was stressing about not eating for a couple hours. I immediately realized how ridiculous my thoughts were.

This is a process for me; I am trying to FIX my brain. Not having food readily available is NOT an emergency. When I got home an hour and a half later, I made a very healthy supper.

Week #2- WTF

2009-10-22T15:00:00.001-05:00

Week #2

Week two flew by without a warning. My weigh-in this morning stopped me in my tracks. +1.2.
Was it the T-Bone steak on Saturday?
Chinese & Sushi on Tuesday?
Late dinner after night class on Wednesday?
Lack of walking for 5 days in a row?

I'm not really sure WTF happened, but I did NOT like seeing 244.4 AGAIN on the scale. I have to break out of the 240's & I have to do it in two weeks. I HAVE to. Mentally, I need to see 239....very soon. I CAN do this, I know I can. I am disgusted and NOT giving up this time.

I have been researching the Wendie Plan & I am very interested. Anyone have any prior experience with the plan?

Have a great week.

Week #1- Countdown to 25 years

2009-10-12T16:20:00.003-05:00

Week #1- Getting Organized

I have been struggling to get my act together since our impromptu trip to GA. This week I focused on organizing my life and house so that a healthy lifestyle will seem a little easier. I have changed my countdown to thirteen weeks--counting down my birthday, which is January 9th. By that time I hope to be in a size 20 & walking at least three miles per day/ six days a week. I am doing Leslie Sansone's one mile in the morning (14 minutes) and depending on the weather, two stroller miles with the toddler or two more Leslie miles in the afternoons. I haven't been to the gym in weeks, I am finding it much more convenient with our recent rainy weather to stay home and walk in my living room.

I am not setting a weight-goal for January. I am still attending Weight Watchers, but I have been counting calories instead of points. I am trying to built healthy habits so that this trek into healthy living is successful. I have several pictures to share, I will add them later. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday.

A Funeral & Cookie Monster

2009-10-03T18:11:00.004-05:00

My hubby's grandfather passed away last Wednesday, which meant an impromptu four day trip to Georgia. The emotions were insane & let's just say I ate enough to gain 2.4 pounds this week. I wasn't prepared, and I see why I gained so much weight in GA when I lived there. They survive off of processed crap & white starches. I ate like the cookie monster, literally. I caught myself eating three chocolate chip cookies in one sitting. Three days earlier I had talked myself out of one cookie for dessert at Subway.

I feel like I am in neutral. Grinding my gears. I feel like I have taken a step forward & three steps back. I have eight weeks left until our vacation in Destin, FL. I wanted to have my 10% key chain before I left. My gain on Thursday has me at -7.8 total. I have 17.2 pounds to lose to make my 10% goal. I am not putting a time on this goal, I am going to take this one day at a time; one meal at a time. I seem to get overwhelmed very easy these days. I am going to begin a Saturday post with my weekly countdown. I am going to include one habit each week that I am working on. I have realized that early on I have tried to work on too many things at once. I have to start off with the toughest habit for me, exercise.

Compulsive Behaviors in General & the Relation to Weight Loss and Success

2009-09-19T08:41:00.002-05:00

Hello my amazing friends! It is Saturday morning & the hubby is working, which is unusual for a Saturday and rather pleasant for my daughter and I, as we will be leaving for our morning stroll upon completion of this post.
During the past couple of weeks I have had a slight revelation regarding the relation between completely non-food related behaviors and the compulsions to eat. I will start this with a slight back story:

I am the oldest of five children. Four girls and one boy. When we were growing up, we were an ordinary,middle class family. We all wanted to be able to wear name-brand clothes and shoes. In order for my parents to afford this, we learned very young to shop on a budget, and in the sale racks. Because of this, we were able to have nicer things. I can remember my mom's closet being packed to the rim with clothes that had tags on them; we would buy during season end when prices were ridiculously low for the next year.

With that said, I have a slight problem. I have a compulsive shopping habit. A very unusual habit, actually. I get a "high" off of bargains. I will also note that I only have one credit card, which I only use during extended hurricane evacuations. I only shop using cash, so this is not a financial issue. It is however, a behavioral problem for me. Sometimes I have the desire or longing to go hunting for bargains. It is a very strong urge. I have left work on my lunch hour to act on this urge. I browse the clearance racks and find the most amazing bargains. For about a year before I got pregnant, I had gained weight and I was only wearing stretch pants and tshirts. When I was shopping, I really had no idea what size I was, as I hadn't worn jeans or slacks in a while. My last known size was 18. I would buy that size when I found bargains. I have 43 pairs of pants that have the tags on them. They are an 18, I am currently a 22w. About half of them are from Old Navy, New York & Company, and I have a few pairs of Seven jeans.

Before you guys call Hoarders, my clothes are all very neatly organized in large Rubbermaid containers in the garage. How could this relate to weight loss BESIDES the obvious: lose weight to wear the damn clothes? I have found that if I resist the impulse to go shopping, if I don't give in, I become very resistant to compulsive eating. As Dr. Beck would say, "I have to strengthen my resistance muscle and weaken my giving-in muscle." Over time as I continue to do so, it will be like second nature. I am finding this a major revelation for myself. The past couple of weeks, I haven't been shopping at all, and twice I made myself go to a department store leaving my wallet in the car. I was able to determine that the act of window shopping made the urge go away. While I don't see myself staring down a pan of brownies without bringing my fork to the table, the shopping and eating compulsively are closely related for me.

I realize now that when I was a child, my parents were usually working, and I took care of my siblings. During that time I developed a habit, so to speak, of loving myself with food & "things". I never gained weight during my younger days because I was fairly active. Once I began college and the majority of my activity slowed down and eventually ceased, I began to gain weight rather quickly.

The clothes are becoming a problem in my life. My closet is filled with sizes 16, 18, 20 & 22w. I sit here weighing 240.8, knowing that I must lose around 40 more pounds to wear my dozens of size 18 pants. After I lose additional weight, I will bring them to a consignment store to sell them & save the cash for smaller size clothes at my favorite shops. I am not going to buy ANY other clothes until I am out of a 22w (around 15 more pounds). I know that most of you may not see how this is related to my weight loss, but for me it is very obvious and I feel like I have learned so much about my habits.

I am learning to take this one day at a time. While my eye is always on the proverbial prize, I have to live each moment and not let a second pass me by. I will be doing a significant amount of organizing today; mostly paperwork, but I am going to start by taking all of the clothes I cannot currently wear out of my closet and I will store them in the garage with the others.

P.S. I remembered that I promised you guys food-porn from the Festival the other day. I failed on the pictures, but I definitely succeeded with the food. I didn't allow myself close enough to even get pictures.

Good Morning Friends

2009-09-18T08:14:00.003-05:00

I am definitely alive & well. Doing pretty good. I have been reading blogs daily, on the run, usually on my "icrack", with no time to comment. I will have a wonderful, intriguing (maybe) post later this afternoon. I hope everyone is having a marvelous morning, day, week, and month as it has been a while since I have written!

Friday Night Success

2009-09-04T21:43:00.002-05:00

shrimp po'boy =8.00
alligator on a stick =6.00
loaded Cajun fries=4.00
Sausage Sandwich=5.50
Choosing to only eat a LARGE slice of watermelon & a butter- free roasted corn on the cob=

PRICELESS

tomorrow will be even better with lots of walking!

Shrimp & Petroleum Festival & a Damn Gain

2009-09-04T13:24:00.002-05:00

I gained 0.8 pounds this week. I know why. I only walked twice & had a meeting for work on Wednesday during which I ate at the most delicious Italian restaurant this side of the Mississippi River. I had a Caprese (with fresh mozzarella) & a homemade Cal zone with spinach, Roma tomatoes & grilled chicken. I had entirely too much cheese in one day! My pants have actually been feeling looser, and I am hanging in here, fighting the good fight. This weekend should be wonderful, our 74th annual Shrimp & Petroleum Festival. The festival is held under the bridge & there are hundreds of craft, food, and alcohol venders. I will avoid the food & alcohol like the plague. All day Saturday I will be walking around the crafts & I will have plenty of pictures to show you guys this weekend! I am rambling, I just wanted to check in!

The New Virus Diet

2009-08-28T13:05:00.005-05:00

Nothing like a comment from Sean to get me typing a new blog post. What a great motivator! I have been gone for a while, but not by choice. Last weekend a virus entered by poor defenseless body and left me with a fever & an insane headache (the doctor fully blamed the headache on me being anxious about my sickness). I went to the E.R. on Saturday night & after a pain medicine shot and 2 other meds, I was home in bed for almost 48 hours. I didn't really start feeling better until Wednesday.

I did go to my WW meeting yesterday & I lost 3.2 pounds. I needed to lose 3.4 to get my 2nd 5 pound star. I was very excited on the scale, considering I had gained 0.2 pounds the week before. Things have been crazy busy at home, I am trying to catch up on a mountain of laundry that has accumulated while I was sick. Literally, a mountain. It looked more like a hill this morning, but it will take me all weekend to get to the bottom!

My sister & nephew came down from Shreveport yesterday. They will be here for 2 weeks. Family visits are always the most challenging for my weight loss efforts. Too much food, too little movement. I gave my mom a grocery list yesterday, and I will be cooking for the family at my mom's this weekend. We have plans to walk each afternoon with the kids in the wagon & my grandmother in her wheelchair. My grandmother loves a good evening stroll, when she was in better health she walked everyday.

I am making a conscience effort to take full responsibility for my efforts and my future. In the past I have blamed others (silently, of course) for my failed attempts at losing weight:

My (super skinny relative/friend) is in town, I have to eat what she/he eats, which isn't healthy
My spouse eats so unhealthy & brings junk in the house
My co-workers constantly surround me with garbage foods
My plate is too full (no pun intended here) & I don't have time to plan
I don't want to miss having lunch/ dinner with friends

The actuality is that I must be accountable for ME. I cannot change the world. I can put myself in better "food environments", but I have to make my own choices. I have to MAN UP! :)

The plan for this week: I do not want to sabotage my 3.2 loss this week with arrogance like the past. I want to get my 10 pound star next week (-0.2) & my 5% star (-2.2) I need to have my game face on to lose 2.2 ! I reaaaalllly want my 5% star next Thursday.

Last Night

2009-08-12T16:42:00.002-05:00

I read this: (first three chapters)

And ate this:

Salmon Salad (salmon pouch with 1/8 cup of 2% cottage cheese and one boiled egg white) on a bed of baby spinach & romaine with 2 (measured) tablespoons of Light Balsamic dressing. Also, sweet potato "fries". Cut into fry-like shape & spray with Pam, sprinkle with Kosher salt & bake for 15 minutes on 475F. The most delicious meal I have had in weeks. All for 6 points.

Tonight will be an exact repeat.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous Hump Day.

My tombstone will read : P90X Strikes Again

2009-08-11T16:06:00.003-05:00

My marathon- running, triathlete -coworker has decided I should begin P90X in 2 weeks. She is going to let me "borrow" her DVDs because I would never pirate any type of DVD. *hehehe*
I have mixed feelings about this. She obviously can't MAKE me do it, so I AM choosing to do this, I just thought I should lose a little more weight before beginning the program. She has assured me that I will survive & I can take a rest day when I absolutely *have* to. Hmmmm. I think I am going to dig out my Shred DVD & my TaeBo DVD so I can get in some intense cardio in the next couple of weeks. Something tells me that my walking an hour each day isn't going to give me a "hands up" with this P90x baloney. I really sound positive about this, don't I!

My monkies....

2009-08-07T10:09:00.005-05:00

I have been weighing in on Thursday mornings & this week I decided that after 3 missed meetings (I weigh in & then go back to work in the mornings), I would start back weighing in Thursday nights. I fully expected a gain due to the change in weigh in times. I should have known:

I lost 0.4 lbs ! Last Saturday we went to the gorgeous zoo in New Orleans, which is about an hour & a half away from my house. We ate breakfast at home, ate all natural pb & j for lunch (I packed our lunch in my daughter's panda lunch box.) We walked the ENTIRE day, we literally parked in the parking garage at the Riverwalk & walked all around the mall & the aquarium after walking at least 3 miles at the zoo. For supper (at around 5pm) I had a shrimp po'boy without mayo, add extra tomatoes & a couple of my daughter's fries in the Riverwalk foodcourt. We enjoyed the food and I didn't feel overly full at all. That was a good day. I have not been to the gym in 6 (?) days. I lost count. I have had a headache in the afternoons after work which has prevented me from doing anything other than cooking supper, bathing my daughter & playing with her before I go to bed. I think my body is having gym-withdrawals. ;)

I will be back on track tonight with my three mile walk. I have a few good meals planned for the weekend. My toy that I boasted about last post turned out to be a bust. It was a bike that I bought super cheap ($40). I also bought a new front tire ($17). On the way back from my maiden voyage the pedal fell off! Thankfully, I was close to my house. I am going to replace the pedal & start looking at new bikes to purchase for me & the hubby. This weekend we are going to rest. We have nothing planned. We might walk around the lake or even relax at home with movies. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

The Twilight Zone

2009-07-30T08:43:00.004-05:00

I usually find my inspiration by reading numerous blogs each day. I can relate to people that are on the same road, piloting a different vehicle. I am on my 6th week of Weight Watchers, and I am very excited and nervous about the future. This is my 4th time doing the program. Looking back at my weight logs from the previous times, I have never gone six weeks straight without a small gain (until now). That is what I am proud of.

What I am not proud of is my lack of drive and determination. I *know* what I want, I *know* what I need to do. I am just having a hard time getting where I need to be. I have to enter my Steel Curtain Zone. I have to make sure that no matter what, I am focused. I have to be completely goal - oriented. I have always been a leader my entire life. When it comes to food, however, I am more of a follower. I had a seminar an hour out of town yesterday with two other coworkers. We walked to lunch a couple blocks from the building our class was in and went to Piccadilly ( a cafeteria style restaurant with a lot of options ). I was the second person in line. I chose a cucumber & tomato salad, another small salad with romaine lettuce & 20 croutons (that I picked off). I also had a grilled chicken breast with yellow rice & grilled zucchini and squash with onions. My boss was in front of me and when she was asked if she wanted a hot, buttery, yeast roll, she declined. I felt inclined to decline. Had I been first in line, or by myself, I would have probably taken the bread. I usually allow myself to be influenced negatively by others in eating situations; I seem to have limited self control around peers when it pertains to food.

I read an article on WW online a couple days ago. I usually never read their articles, they seem too generic and not very practical for the most part. This article, however, was what I needed to read. It was titled Twilight Zone & had nothing to do with the Sci-Fi channel. It referred to the habits of members after their weigh in . I have personally struggled with this for the almost three years (minus a pregnancy) that I have done WW. After a weigh in, some members enter the Twilight Zone. There is a mentality that since we have been "good" all week and eaten properly and exercised, we can have a free-for-all day. When I read this article, a HUGH JASS light went off in my brain. I have always had this mentality. After weighing in on Thursdays, I feel as if Friday night I can eat out, stay home from the gym, snack on whatever I want, and I will have the next five days to recover. NOT TRUE. This is FICTION. Healthy living has to be 24/7/365. The article offered wonderful advice. Instead of having a free-for-all after your weigh in, incorporate the foods that you usually run to on those days into your week. For example, for months (this is embarrassing) I would go to the Chinese buffet with my hubby the night of my weigh in or the next night. I would eat until the point of absolute misery. The next day I felt horrible (MSG overload) and then my WEEKEND would be shot because my body felt too lousy to workout. So I had blown my healthy eating for THREE days, not just one. That left fours days to eat right and exercise enough to see a difference on the scale. Not possible.

Monday night I baked chicken breasts at home and we picked up ONE take out box of Chinese for the three of us. I got broccoli, grilled shrimp, and green beans. The hubby had stuffed mushrooms and a small amount of lo-mien. The Princess had shrimp and rice. We all had a taste of Chinese without the bloating and self-loathing afterwards. (We also saved $20 from not eating there). It was a major victory for me. I realize that I have been sabotaging myself by entering the Twilight Zone. It was always worse if I had lost weight that week. Instead of realizing that the loss was taking me one step further in my journey, a step closer to a healthy body; I saw it as a "free pass" to eat whatever I wanted because I had lost weight and had the next few days before my next weigh in. That is totally BOGUS.

A very intelligent weight loss scholar once told me that 20% of this battle is eating right and exercising, and the other 80% is the mental gymnastics that we have in our heads. How true that is. I am going to blog this weekend, and take pictures of my new toy. Can't wait to show you guys!

Searching for a Parallel Balance

2009-07-14T13:22:00.004-05:00

I find that when my exercise is on point, my eating sucks. Majorly. When I am eating well, I can't seem to get my ass moving. This time around, I am trying to find the balance. I know that we all try to balance our day-to-day lives with everything else that is going on; housework, work, kid(s), spouses, school, etc. I am simply trying to balance two aspects of my life and it seems like one of the toughest things I have ever tried to do. I know what works for me:

Tracking my food using WW etools (everyday, including weekends)
Exercising at least 5 days/week
Staying away from ALL fast food/restaurants (with the exception of Subway)
Planning ahead- making sure I always have healthy options readily available
Drinking at least 64 ounces of water per day (no other beverages)

If I could master these five simple tasks all together, simultaneously; I would be successful in my weight loss attempt. I know that this is going to be hard. Nothing about weight loss is easy. Sure, I have heard that it does get easier over time, once the healthy habits become second nature. Right now I feel as if every moment I have to be alert and in tune with my thoughts and actions regarding all things weight related. The thoughts of success and fears of possibly failing consume me. There is never a moment when I am not thinking about losing weight and what I need to do to get where I *want* to be. The craziest part about this is that we all know what to do, there is just a psychological barrier that we must break through for our minds to be in tune with our bodies. I am trying to get there. I will not go back to my old ways. I have to be strong and stay focused.

Lunch Update

2009-07-13T15:05:00.002-05:00

I could have done better.

The veggie tray was less-than-fresh; I was pretty disappointed.

2 *fried* chicken tenders
a couple of ham & turkey pinwheels
homemade salsa & less than 10 tortilla chips
homemade spinach and cheese dip (no crackers with this)
3 small sausages (yucky)
Subway macadamia nut cookie
2 small squares of pepperjack cheese

I drank a Coke. WTF???? These office shindigs always get me. I *did* however stop eating when I had enough. I usually mindlessly nibble on everything I see. I did not do this. I have to gain control of my self before our Thanksgiving and Christmas parties. There are twice as many options and I have to be prepared to be strong. Why is this so hard?

I know that I will be thinking about this tonight on the treadmill. I see an elliptical in my immediate future. Maybe 1 mile elliptical and 2 miles treadmill tonight. I need to burn the calories. I wouldn't even guess my points from earlier.

The *good* news is that I have had around 40 ounces of water already.

I do not like the way my body feels after eating too many carbs, too much cheese. I can tell when I have eaten things I shouldn't. I know I have a problem when I am eating things that I don't really like. I haven't had a fried anything in quite a while. That chicken made my tummy do flips. Not good. I am moving on. I will be bringing my lunch each day this week and NOT eating the leftovers like everyone else. Fruit at 4:00pm. I am thinking about walking with the Princess this afternoon. Maybe a mile or two in my neighborhood. I hope everyone has a wonderful afternoon. Be strong! Resist the food demons.

Weekend Recap & 650 Pound Virgin

2009-07-13T09:40:00.006-05:00

What a peaceful and active weekend. Saturday morning we walked to the library with the Princess in her stroller. A mile & a half exactly each way. She got Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer books and all was well in Toddler World. On the way back home she wanted to stop by my mom's and she ended up falling asleep and the hubby immediately volunteered to stay there with her while I walked back home to get the car! He fell asleep also.

The rest of the day was spent with the hubby working in the yard and the Princess and myself playing a variety of games. Sunday we went to the park and I went down the slides with Kay while hubby decided to swing upside down. Boys will be boys! We came home and I tackled the laundry and dishes while the Foreman grill tackled the chicken for our spinach & Parmesan sandwiches. They are delish. While eating, we watched the 650 lbs Virgin. I cried throughout the entire show. David's personality is so unique. I wanted to give him the biggest hug and tell him that everything is going to be okay! Hopefully if you haven't seen it yet, you can follow the link and find the listings for your area. Our sandwiches are so simple; wheat toast, fresh spinach, grilled chicken, and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. I have been using fresh spinach in the place of lettuce. My eating was pretty good this weekend, only splurging on homemade kettle corn popcorn Saturday night at my mom's. My sister cooks the best kettle corn!

I went to the gym last night at 9:30. I did 2 miles on the treadmill (38 minutes) and 2 miles on the bike (9 minutes). I felt so tired because of all the housework I had done before I went to the gym. I will do three miles on the treadmill each night for the next 3 nights. I am anxious for my weigh in on Thursday.

We are having a pot luck lunch today at the office for an employee who is having her baby in August. There will be sausages, a chicken tender platter, cheesecakes, chips and homemade salsa, chicken salad, etc. I brought a large bowl of "fruit salad". I used 2 pounds of red seedless grapes, a fresh pineapple, one banana, and a container of strawberries. It smells divine. I talked a coworker into bringing a veggie tray. I am going to plan ahead mentally and allow myself a chicken tender, a small chicken salad sandwich square, and lots of veggies and my fruit salad. I CANNOT sabotage my weigh in. I have to be strong and not give into the "peer pressure" of office goodies!

The Return of the Decimal & a New Strategy

2009-07-09T10:06:00.005-05:00

I lost 0.4 pounds this week. That is the bad news. The good news is that I think I know what the problem is. During past two weeks I have lost 1 pound. Both weeks also have one thing in common. I took the weekends off from working out and crammed my workouts in the few days before weigh in. After my 3.4 pound loss the first week I got sloppy. Let me just tell you that in the past, during my previous attempts, had I lost 1 pound over the course of two weeks I would have been hitting the Chinese buffet for lunch & going back to my old habits.

This time is different. When I left the gym last night I felt proud. Maybe because the 90 year old man that does 3 hours on the elliptical told me "Great job" after I got off of the treadmill, or possibly because I had just walked/jogged 3 miles and burned 400 calories. After walking for 30 minutes I began walking/ jogging in 90 second intervals. I needed a break from the elliptical.

I also used the row machine. I think I did around 20 rows with 50lbs. Of course I felt excellent when I left the gym. I couldn't sleep when I got home, I was so full of energy.

My strategy for the next week is very simple. I am going to work out everyday until Tuesday. I will take Tuesday off.

I am going to drink at least 64 ounces of water during the weekend. I have a lot of chores around my house that need to be done so I am sure I will also be pretty active this weekend. I am going to workout Saturday and Sunday mornings rather than at night. I think an early workout will set the tone for my entire weekend. This is my test week. If I work out 6 days, track my points, and drink my water and I don't lose digits instead of decimals I am going to go into panic mode. :) It has taken a lot to keep myself motivated these past two weeks.

Just a thought: I have noticed that when I am exercising regularly and drinking tons of water, my skin looks so much better. This is me this morning...

Brownies and Trigger Foods

2009-07-08T11:29:00.006-05:00

These are not the actual brownies. I have used a generic online picture to protect the innocent. While visiting with the Princess last night after her bath, I heard the hubby in the kitchen making a lot of noise. Since the odds of him washing dishes are as likely as a blizzard here in August, I knew he was up to something. He had just eaten a huge plate of London broil, mashed potatoes & green beans. 10 minutes after that he toasted himself an onion flavored bagel. Now he was back in the kitchen. WTF? I have tried to push the "healthy living" lifestyle change bit on him. I have tried to get him to walk with me on the weekends while I pull the Princess in her wagon. He has been once in a entire year.

Meanwhile, back to the brownies. After about 45 seconds of investigating, I realized he was mixing up a box of brownies.

My first instinct was to grab the pan on the stove & simply knock him in the head with it. That urge passed & I felt betrayed. What the hell was he doing? It was almost time for me to put the Princess to bed & afterwards go to the gym. Was he testing me? He couldn't have been hungry, that is certain. I got extremely annoyed. I put the P to bed & went straight to the bedroom to get my gym clothes on ASAP. I could already smell them. Throughout the house the scent of chocolate gooiness filled the air. I had purchased the brownies months ago but never cooked them. They are "low fat" brownies. 1/18 of the box is a serving for 130 calories.

Could I eat a "serving" of brownies? Will Michael Jackson be forgotten? OF COURSE NOT. I scowled at the hubby & literally ran past the pan on the stove out the back door. During the 12 minute drive to the gym I wanted to cry. Partly because I was so proud of myself for not eating the brownies, mostly because I was so VERY pissed at the hubby. Almost three months ago he began a very rough month of attempting to kick his eleven year addiction to nicotine. He hasn't smoked in over 2 months. He has gained 40 pounds in three months. I would never have imagined getting a cigarette (I don't smoke) and puffing away in his face while he was going through that tough time.

I am very well aware that my family & the people around me will not change their eating habits simply because I am changing mine. I do know however, that he KNOWS how hard this has been for me in the past. Maybe he thinks this is just another few months on WW only to give up after not losing for a couple of weeks. I simply have to show him I mean business. I do 99.9% of our grocery shopping. I assure you there will be no brownie mix in my house again.

I did a mile on the elliptical last night. 15.56 minutes. A "cool-down" mile on the treadmill. 21 minutes. I was so tired after the elliptical and my heart rate hadn't gotten below 172. I felt almost dizzy at one point. Afterwards, I felt amazing. The brownies were in the fridge covered in aluminum foil when I got home. The brownie monster was asleep in the bed, drunk from the sugar rush of a half of a box of brownies, I'm sure. Weigh in tomorrow a.m.

Managing Time and Motivation

2009-07-07T09:33:00.005-05:00

I can find any excuse not to work out. "It's raining, I'm tired, I have to do laundry, I have to cook, my family is visiting, my leg hurts, my arm hurts, my pinkie is feeling kinda weird." I could go on for days. The biggest and most practical excuse : I DON'T HAVE TIME. I cannot create additional hours in the days, weeks in the year. I can however, manage the time that GOD has given me. I have had family visiting over this 4th of July holiday.

I didn't go to the gym for 4 days. I didn't have time to. Really?? I couldn't have left for an hour without causing an uproar? Sure I could have. Did I? Well, of course not. Not having time to do anything is what I call a "cop out". The more organized you are, the more time you *have*. I have to become more organized so that my evenings flow (as much as they can with a 2 year old Princess in the house). I have to make weekly menus. My eating has been better than it has been in a very long time, with the exception of this past Friday.

I am challenging myself at the gym. I had a heated discussion with the hubby last night at 9:30 when he was attempting to make me feel guilty for going to the gym so late when our company was still in town. They were suppose to leave last night, but they ended up extending their stay for another night. It is very hectic when my sister comes, mostly because they try to divide their time between my mom, my other 2 sisters, my brother & my beloved grandmother. It throws me off track exercise-wise because we never have set plans as to what we will be doing each evening. Last night I had around 40 minutes to *spare* for exercise including travel time to the gym. I got on the elliptical and at the 6 minute mark I was sweating bullets. I stayed on for one mile, my fastest yet on the elliptical.

Afterwards, I had sweat in my eyes, my shirt was drenched and of course, I felt amazing. I left the gym & was back to my mom's with the family within my *allotted* time. I had asked one of my sisters to bathe the Princess, so that had been taken care of. We visited for a few minutes, said our goodbyes, and I went home and showered and slept.

We are finally getting the rain that we need here in south Louisiana. I think I could have slept until 9:00 this morning! I did wake up 45 minutes late. My house was so dark & cozy...

And now I have something to share with you. I know that motivation is a huge part of my will to stay on track and succeed. I have been organizing my file of 3700 pictures & upon creating my *before* album which mostly consists of horrible body shots, I found this little treasure:

I am not even going to comment. I think I am going to print this and place it in front of the timer on the elliptical. This is motivation, people! The JUMBO order of popcorn chicken. A large soft drink. And let me tell you a little secret. I don't even like Sonic. At all. It tastes very chemically to me. Very yucky. I remember the hubby wanted an ice cream & I had to have something to eat. We were on our way to go sit at the lake & relax. Oh, my stomach. How I despise thee.

Decimals, Daiquiris,and Delicious

2009-07-06T09:19:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone had a terrific weekend! I must recap mine beginning with my Thursday weigh in. I lost 0.6 pounds! A freaking decimal on my second week?? What the hell? After a mini- nervous break down in the car, I called the hubby who insisted that I will see the difference this week, as I got in 4 days at the gym & had been eating pretty clean. HAD BEEN being the correct phrase. On Friday, my sister & family were here & after work my mom made us homemade Daiquiris & Margaritas. I had 2. I then (afterwards, what a dumb ass) decided to investigate the "nutritional" info on the fruity delicious drink I was consuming. Just 4 oz of the mixer = 177 calories. My drink had to be 12 ounces. Add in tequila calories & the fresh fruit my mom adds & you have a disaster.

The real disaster came after I ate numerous tortilla chips with lime salsa & one hour later ate a steaming bowl of chicken gumbo on WHITE rice. I don't even like white rice. Again, what the hell? Enter the major TMI moment: About 10 minutes after that, I was hanging my head over the toilet revisiting every ounce of drink, every bite of salsa & gumbo. I am not sure how many calories I actually consumed, as I didn't hold them down for long. I had to go home & brush my teeth & shower afterwards. I felt like sh*t. I guess the different temperatures of my food & the overeating in general were just too much for my tummy. I have been eating very clean for the past few weeks.

Saturday yielded much better results. Plenty of swimming, sun and grilled chicken. I made our potato salad with olive oil mayo, we had fresh green beans and vegetarian baked beans. Watermelon for dessert. I was pretty active Saturday and Sunday. No gym since Wednesday. Not proud of that, but I was very busy & active for most of the weekend. I will only get in 3 workouts before this weeks weigh in, and I am hoping that my decimals from last week don't reappear. I am seeing a lot of changes in my behavior regarding food and eating in general & I am very excited for the future. I know that I can succeed and I am worth the happiness of a healthier weight.

Happy Hump Day

2009-07-01T09:46:00.004-05:00

I am all smiles this morning for sure. Today is my Friday, as I have taken tomorrow & Friday off of work. I haven't been in bed before midnight one day this week, so I am excited about the next four days. I am bringing the Princess to the sitter for half a day tomorrow so I can have my oil in my car changed & get my nails redone & possibly get a pedicure.

My wonderful nephew is coming down this weekend from Shreveport & I am very excited.

I am cooking at my mom's for the 4th & we have a wonderful menu planned! Turkey burgers, grilled chicken, WW potato salad, vegetarian baked beans, and plenty of watermelon.

I got home rather early yesterday, had supper cooked & the Princess fed before 6pm. We colored for a few minutes & she played with her dolls & I ate my delicious meal while she played:

4 ounces of chicken, sauteed with an onion (5 points)
6 sprigs of asparagus (o points)
1/2 cup Annie's Organic Mac and Cheese (3 points)
2 corn tortillas (2 points)

I definitely felt much better after eating. I had eaten a Healthy Choice frozen entree at lunch & by 3pm I felt ravenous. I ended up drinking a couple glasses of water & began cooking supper the moment I walked in my house.

While cleaning the kitchen, I found myself mindlessly eating one of the Princess' leftover fish sticks & a couple of her fries. I wasn't hungry. At all. I was mindlessly eating. I have never been a binge eater. I do find that I have always eaten out of boredom & even emotionally on occasion. I have to constantly be "on my toes" to make sure I am only eating when I am hungry. I seldom crave the "full" feeling I use to get from overindulging, but when I do I find that drinking a large glass of water gives me that feeling while I am still eating within my POINTS range.

After supper I felt very lathargic. I am blaming the carbs in the mac and cheese & the 2 small tortillas. I actually lied in my bed after I put the Princess in hers. I stayed in bed for almost 30 minutes. Chatting with the hubby & starting to feel sleepy, I reminded my tired ass that I had only been to the gym twice this week & that I *had* to go right now because I needed at least 4 workouts before my Thursday a.m. weigh in at WW.

I got to the gym rather late (9:40pm) & all of the treadmills were free, but I knew I should start with the elliptical. 20 minutes later:

I felt amazing. I then jumped on the treadmill for only 30 minutes. I usually have to hold on to the treadmill, but after 20 minutes on the elliptical it felt natural for my arms to be down & moving! After 50 minutes of working out, I was in dire need of a shower & my bed. In bed right after midnight.

I am very anxious about my weigh in tomorrow morning. I am praying for 2 pounds. I am going to attend both the 9am meeting & the 6:30pm meeting tomorrow since I am not going to work & I need the meetings to carry me through this holiday! Have a great day everyone!

Panic Mode

2009-06-30T15:54:00.005-05:00

I made it out of the house & to the gym by 8:45pm. That has to be a record. I always drive in front of the facility before parking, mostly because I am nosey & partially for my safety. Last night when I drove past, I notice that all of the treadmills were occupied. What in the hell I am going to do? I parked my car & called the hubby & told him my situation. He politely told me not to come home, but to get on the elliptical until a treadmill was free. The killer elliptical? Was he serious? The last time I attempted the elliptical I think I stayed on for 45 seconds.

This time around, I had no other choice. All of the treadmills & all of the weight machines that I *know* how to operate were occupied. I couldn't go home so I got on the elliptical & 16 minutes and 1.01 mile(s) later I was soaking wet from sweat, my heart rate was at 184 & I felt better than I thought I ever could.

Two treadmills became available only minutes after I began on the elliptical. I made myself continue. I knew that I could do it. After the mile on the elliptical, I walked a slow (3.1 pace) mile on the treadmill. My legs felt so strange. It was easier on the treadmill, but my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. I know now that the elliptical will give me a more intense workout in a shorter time.

Tonight's goal : 20 minutes elliptical 40 minutes treadmill.

My supper last night was my "protein & fiber bowl"

1 pouch Starkist Tuna (1 point)

2/3 cup brown rice (3 points)

1 cup cooked fresh spinach (o points)

1/2 cup Bush's Low Sodium Kidney Beans (1 point)

Numerous drops of Green Pepper Tabasco (priceless & 0 points)

It was delicious! It kept me satisfied through my workout & for the remainder of the night.

I have also been Coke free for over 2 weeks now! I wasn't a big soda addict, but I did enjoy a 12 ounce can of Coca-Cola a day. I realized that the sugar (and 2 damn points) wasn't worth it & it was actually causing me to crave MORE sugar. Imagine that! I hope everyone is having a magnificent Tuesday. Two more days until weigh-in & my 4 day weekend. :)

Back in the Saddle Again

2009-06-29T09:55:00.005-05:00

This is so true!

Sweaty as hell

After 3 days off...not a good idea

Where all the magic happens

I have been away for some time. On the weight loss front, things are finally looking up & the scale is headed down. After feeling discouraged with Weight Watchers for a while, I sought out other support. I joined TOPS, a non profit organization for weight loss support. The "meetings" were small, yet everyone was very supportive. In the 3 weeks that I was a member we only had one actual meeting because our leader has a lot going on & doesn't have enough time to juggle everything on her plate. (No pun intended) :) TOPS is geared around the exchange system, which for me is confusing as hell because I can't seem to get POINTS out of my head! After 3 weeks of TOPS, I renewed my monthly pass with WW.

In the past I have blamed the program for me failing, but I can only blame myself for not working the program. There has never been a week when I tracked & exercised sufficiently that I did not lose weight. The last time I joined WW I weighed 257.8lbs. My new starting weight, 251. My 10% goal is 25 pounds. I have never made it that far while on WW. I have set a goal for myself & I am more determined than EVER to reach that goal.

I am allowed 31 points per day, which is hard to reach some days. I find myself going to bed with 8 points left for the day & I know I need to eat all of my points. However, Friday I ate all of my daily points & 8 weekly points! We decided to go "out to eat" & I am just not ready for a typical restaurant setting yet, as my willpower is still strengthening.

We landed at Subway. I have been eating Subway at least three times a week for lunch at work. I got a pizza. What the hell was I thinking. As if a 14 point pizza wasn't enough, I ate a cookie & half of the hubby's. 7.5 points. Over 21 points for supper. It was just one time, but that is the same rationalization that has kept me from reaching my goals.

Last night at the gym I struggled. I struggled because I missed 3 days of working out. I have to weigh in on Thursday, and I am very excited about the future. I lost 3.4 my first week (6-29) and I am looking forward to my 1st five pound star this Thursday. I am working on a list of goals & rewards to post. There may be a new Dooney in my future, or possibly the Open Heart bangles I have been lusting after.

Whatever the reward, I know that I must persevere and bust my ass. The work is hard, the effort constant, but I am ready to feel the satisfaction of my dedication. The fruits of my labor, so to speak. I know that blogging keeps me accountable, so here I am. I hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday.